So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
