she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
