Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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