after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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