Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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