Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize