My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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