How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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