If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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