I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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