a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
