Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
