Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
