cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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