Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it fun? or sober?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
