I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
