I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
