He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
