oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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