I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
