So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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