don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
