im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
