when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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