i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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