So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
