Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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