I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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