you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
