I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
