We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
