Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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