You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
