and you said cock pushups were impossible
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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