so explain again why im purple
no
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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