apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
