my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
