That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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