he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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