Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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