I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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