Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
