Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
