So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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