i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
