I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
