There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Drake has all the answers
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize