I looked at my own cervix.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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