I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
