In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
