so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
