I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize