Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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