Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
