I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
