Is it because I queefed?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
