She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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