so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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