I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
