I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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