Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
